your fingers say to come, but your eyes say I should stop it

there comes a time in all our lives that we lose inspiration. when the reasons not to hope seem to outnumber the reasons to hope. it happens to the best of us. the weak and the strong. and in that time, we find ourselves defenseless. even the strongest of will find themselves unable to see the light. although we know that this is eventual, none of us are able to stop it. but the true light does not come over a period of time. the true light comes from inspiration and hope. passion and drive. will and determination. and no matter how ready we are for it, it will at some point be taken from you. but it is in our darkest of hours, that were able to find those who inspire us the most. those who bring glory and light back into our lives. but it is only in rare moments of true clarity that we're able to recognize them. it is only in complete blackness are we able to see their light.

I think since at heart I am and will always be a writer, I should open all my posts with something like that. anyway. everything has been pretty lax around here. nothing too great, really. nothing really even worth mentioning. except... *sigh* molly. Ive been spending more time with molly lately. she lives next door and she has some obsession with lost causes. apparently, I used to be at the top of her list. the good news is that Im only not number 1 because Im not a lost cause anymore. does that make sense? I was thinking of just spontaneously going over there when Im bored. shes a really sweet girl. seriously, she acts a lot younger than she really is, but shes 15. and Im only 16 even though I act older than I am. (gosh, do I act 27 by any chance??) I guess she acts more like 13 and I act more like 18. bizarre. well, I dont know if her parents would mind me popping in. cassandra's mom seems genuinely afraid of me which is really strange for me. I dont really know anything about her parents. I barely even know her brother, jeremy, that well. so it would definitely be risking my hide to random pop in. yikes, I just hope her parents dont watch SVU. kelly says that me and molly remind her of something she'd see on SVU. no damn, thats nice of you kelly! that of course being sarcasm. on another topic, Ive been getting really anxious about this tattoo. Ill have to talk to meena because I know shes still a little on the edge, but I respect that. not everyone has the same view on tattoos that I do. I respect meena, as I always have and always will. well, since blogs (for the most part) are basically thoughts you bother to write down, I should cut myself off. Ill be posting on Confessions of a Broken Heart soon for anyone following that. Ill try to post more and try to think of something more interesting than my useless musings.

PS: the lyrics are from 'punkbitch' by 3oh!3 since no one bothers to guess anymore...

the ghost you love, your ray of light, will fizzle out without hope

seems like its that time again. time to post another chapter of confessions of a broken heart. usually molly leaves me an angry fan girl comment telling me to post again. not that I really mind... its nice having a fan girl. but seriously, i need to stop procrastinating and post on confessions already... because basically everyone reads that blog and not this one. but hey, 11 followers is not bad at all. and I got the new layout hoping to catch the eyes of a few more followers. so anyway, my last post was sort of poetry (Im still not sure if poetry is supposed to rhyme) and it got kind of a dim turn out. i usually get a bunch of comments regarding my writing so i felt kind of empty to only have one comment on my "poetry." but the one comment i got was from Lily-Pagan whos this reall energetic little blogger. apparently that poem made her cry. Im not sure what to think of that... I feel bad that I made her cry but its a sign that my writing was good enough to make her cry. Lily and I have been going back and forth for awhile. we dont know each other outside of blogger, but confessions (or confessions of a broken heart) inspired her to start writing online. I wanted to effect somebody with my writing so inspiring Lily felt amazing. it might be weird to start calling people you're friends because you dont really know them... but Ive met some seriously amazing people through blogger. Lily-Pagan and Andrea are absolutely great and even though Ive never spoken to them in person, it feels just to call them "friends." I still havent gotten a job. yeah, Im still stalling... Meena said she would try to help me but shes been really busy and stuff which is understandable. but seriously, Im worried about her. she posted about "love" and then wrote a poem about tears. I starting worrying but shes always been the type to keep it inside and smile anyway. but I need to somehow get her to tell me whats wrong or shell keep everything inside until she breaks. Id like to think Im always there for her but if I cant be... I just need to know that shes ok.

PS: the post title is more lyrics. this one should be easy for you, Kelly! ha ha maybe Nicole, too. I dunno how hard core you are about emo music, Nicole...