L-O-V-E is just another word I never learned to pronounce

umhm. I didnt just completely fall off the face of the earth. even though I know most people dont read this thing and they read confessions in stead, Im just not good at letting go. of anything. I was supposed to email Meena and Andrea like... 2 weeks ago. sorry, guys. anyway, I think Amy's mad at me about the tattoo thing. but who isnt? Ive gotten a lot of shit for this tattooing thing. no seriously. of course with the nature of blogging, all my people on blogger that know me needed to say something about my want and desire to get a sleeve. and most of them just told me that I was a fuck head and that I shouldnt do it and I was awful for exposing Meena's innocence. ok, thats not EXACTLY what they said but it was mostly the point. Cassandra was pretty nice to me about it. huh. thanks? oh yeah. well a week or so ago, Meena was telling me how all my friends are "EPQs" which is short for emo prom queens. I still dont know exactly what that means. what IS an emo prom queen? well Meena will probably just comment and say its true and try to explain. so far things have been a volcano of emotions. lately I dont even know WHAT to feel! should I get angry or sad or brush it off or fight back or cave under or what? maybe its better to be numb. or coming to except that fairness and truth is far rarer than unkindness and lies. I want to regret all these things that Ive done but sometimes it just doesnt seem rational to feel sorry for what you did to the people who deserved it. when its hard to be regretful then you shouldnt regret it. like my outspoken opinion of Sunday. I regret how it hurt Amy, but I would never take back all the tears that Sunday cried because of anything and everything Ive said to or about her. Sunday's one of those people that deserve it. I wish it wouldnt hurt Amy and Im amazed and confused that such a great person is friends with Sunday but Ive come to think that I might not ever understand Amy but I care about her anyway. Amy doesnt always love me, but I believe and respect her. love? love needs to be learned. and its something Ive yet to learn or understand. its hard to know who you love when you cant call up how love is supposed to make you feel or how it changes a person. Im sure Ive been changed by love, I just dont know it yet.