June 18, 2009

so what befalls the flawless?

to let go isnt to forget, not think about, or ignore. it doesn't leave a feeling of anger, jealousy, or regret. letting go isnt winning and it isnt losing. its not about pride and its not about how you eppear. and its not obsessing or dwelling on the past. letting go isnt blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts. and it doesnt leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. its not giving in or giving up. letting go isnt about loss, and its not defeat. to let go is to cherish memories, but to overcome and move on. its having an open mind and confidence in the future. letting go is accepting. its learning, experiencing and growing. to let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry and made you grow. its about all that have and all that you had. letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. letting go is growing up. its realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. to let go is to open a door, clear a path, and set yourself free.

after a long unannounced absence ... Im back. I just havent really been in the mood to blog, honestly. but nevertheless, here I am. new layout, as you can see. just got sick of the old one, really. but heres the updates. the tattoo date has finally been finalized. me and Meena are going to get them sometime in early July. its just better to do it over the summer, anyway. part of me still wants a sleeve tattoo, but Im standing by my chest tattoo. of course, Ive heard theyre really painful but Ive prepared myself for it to be mind-numbingly painful. I mean, its a tattoo for Christs sake! why wouldnt it hurt? but Im still dedicated. dedication is very essential in living your life. I think everyone could afford to have some, so maybe Im just overcompensating. I feel like when I was talking about self discovery and not hiding who you are. of course, I still have secrets that Im not ready to tell anyone, but Ill get there. preferably soon, but the nature of secrets, Ill be completely ready to say it, and then I just lose my nerve. I cant think of a specific secret now, but I know that I have darkness lurking behind my temporary smile. I hope my good nature and playful humor lasts longer. but Im afraid that its a temporary high. what can I say? every day Ill wear my heart on my sleeve. I think that theres a certain level of confidence that comes with baring your soul to the world. Im not sure Im there yet, which is the dilemma. a secret is usually a part of yourself that you hide from the world so in hopes that they see you as a better person than you see yourself. of course, Im standing by what I said in the beginning passage. I need to learn to let go. I need to open that door and clear myself a path. and time is of the essence. but, (at least in my case) all the drama seems to happen over the summer. maybe Ill break down and open my Pandoras box of secrets. until then, I can only often you sincerity and believe that you believe me. and before I go, one other thing. I went back to read some of my old posts just to see where Ive been, and Im thinking ... is it just me, or did my posts used to be a lot more interested? they used to provide fresh thoughts and opinions and give me moments of clarity and release. now, I just ramble and complain. I promise Ill try to make these more interesting and more like my earlier posts. promises ... they really pile up, huh?

PS: the post title is lyrics from the song 'the leaving song part 2' by AFI. hell, I just started writing them at the bottom because nobody guesses anymore.

2 people cared to comment:

Molly Miss Brightside said...

Andrew Andrew!!
i love your new layout so much! i'm still a little on the fence about this tattoo thing, but it's your body. i won't stop you.
the summer does seem to bring us some drama, doesn't it? *sigh* yes, yes it does...

your loyal fangirl, Molly <3

Meena said...

i like your new layout, too. it's beautifully simple. :)
yes... tattoos in July... nervous? i am.